I have Issues, Weight Issues.

Now, i know what your thinking, is there anything else she can say that we havent already heard? i know i know. But i thought i would share my story.

Now it all started when i was born (if you know where that is from you are one cool dude). I have always been quite large, from a very young age, always bigger than the other girls, my stomach so large i couldn’t see my toes, my school dresses so tight i couldnt bend down, i used to be called all kinds of things because of my weight, people used to throw things at me and call me disgusting. I do recall one incident where someone threw an orange at me and it smashed in my face and he called me a fat slag and said no one would ever date me because im a fat pig.

I do believe i was bullied, psychologically not ever physically, it was always mean comments on Facebook, horrible girls in the changing rooms, people on the damn street. I thought everyone was looking at me and seeing what i though i saw in the mirror, a blob with a gob.

It hit a real low point in secondary school, my biggest weight at nearly a size 20, at age 15 i knew this really wasnt good, id cry everyday from my school trousers digging into my thighs, making walking so painful. The rest of my uniform being so oversized so you couldn’t see my lumps. I was crying everyday, shoving crisps, biscuits and anything i could find to make myself feel better.

I just feel so disgusting, my arms so large in my mind, that i cant even wear shirts with no sleeves, my stretch marks so large i cant go a day without thinking how ugly they are. The ones around my knees, up my thighs, the ones around my waist and stomach, up my arms. They all make me feel unattractive and repulsive, and although i know that i am smaller now, clothing stores do have my  size now and all of that jazz, i can just never stop the feeling of my bludges and my fat absorbing my every waking moment, seeing items of clothing and thinking “gee no im too fat for that”. Body dysmorphia is a very big and real thing.

I know this is a negative post but i just had to get my feelings out there, you may still be fighting, like me, or way recovered, but you’ll be okay, youll be okay.

XO

herbienotbad

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